‘Drop everything and travel’

Kind of random, but I was playing Spider-Man on my PlayStation the other day, and there was a cutscene where Mary Jane said to herself, ‘Part of me wishes I could drop everything and travel the world… but life and work are here’. It reminded me of something I have thought of a while ago – if it turns out that my days are numbered, what should I do with the remainder of my time?

We only occasionally do things that don’t fit our regular day-to-day life. Once in a while, we might travel somewhere, or dine at a fancy Michelin-star restaurant, or see a concert, or go skydiving. But if you knew your time was limited, wouldn’t you want to rush and do everything on your bucket list? Or just do whatever means the most to you? Forget the bucket list, if the most meaningful thing you can do is simply spend happy time with your loved ones.

So lately I have been trying to figure out what matters most to me.

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I have so much free time nowadays in the hospital that maybe I should start a coding project or learn something new for my work. But then I wonder, those things are only worth doing if I have a career to look forward to, which I might not. Does this mean that I don’t truly have a passion for what I do? That, in the end, coding is simply a job?

Diane asked me something one day, after I told her I was bored in the hospital. ‘Don’t your parents keep you company? Do you ask them about their pasts?’ I don’t… Surely, I should try to get the most out of my time with my parents. But when they’re here with me in the hospital, I just go on doing my thing, whether it’s being on my phone or playing games or reading. And there are so many things I don’t know about them. When Diane asked me those questions, I just pictured how awkward it would be for me to suddenly start chatting with them about life. Now, as I am writing these sentences, this is slowly becoming a to-do item for me. Maybe tomorrow I’ll ask mom and dad to tell a story.

I have never formally created a bucket list, but there are so many things I want to experience in my lifetime. When I am out of the hospital, how can I do those things? I only picture two scenarios. Either I am still somewhat healthy and there is an option for treatment, in which case I will need to be in Boston (or wherever offers the treatment). Or, further down the road, there is no treatment left, in which case I imagine myself being very sick and in bed. Either way, I will be stuck in one place. Will there be a window of time when I can just ‘drop everything and travel’? Planes are not an option for me because of my compromised immune system. But maybe I can just say YOLO and fly to Japan and eat sushi with Jiro.

I’ll post pictures whatever I decide.