I still remember my Russian teacher saying to our class one day, back when I was in high school in – you guessed it – Russia, ‘Prepare for the worst but hope for the best’. I believe this was just before an exam. I think it’s a good philosophy to live by in general, although I can’t say that I have been applying it a lot in life. But this time I need to.
I have started working with a lawyer to start estate planning. At a high level, it is just a bunch of legal documents that instruct what I want to happen to my assets if I pass. A lot of paperwork… I hate filing taxes every year, but I think this might be worse. The point is, although I’m still (slightly) hopeful that I can beat this cancer, I need to prepare for the worst case scenario and take care of all the legal stuff.
I guess there is one bright side to being seriously sick at such a young age and without much you can look back at and call a great career. Only one bright side; every other aspect of this situation is just depressing. And that is, I’m not rich. I don’t have that many assets to care about, so the paperwork should be simpler. Still, I have a house that I’m paying down, bank accounts, a few Facebook stocks, life insurance. Those things could amount to something and come in handy for my family. Also, though not a financial asset, I have sperm frozen and stored at a facility in Boston. Just to clarify, this is something I had to do in the very beginning, because the doctors said the treatment could render me sterile. My family has expressed interest in taking custody of the sperm, which I’m still conflicted about. But I don’t want to get too much into family affairs in this post.
Estate planning also includes a living will, a document that instructs whomever I appoint what should be done medically if I’m a ‘vegetable’. If it comes down to a point where I am unconscious and there’s no prospect of me being cured, do I want breathing tubes down my throat or food down my veins? I can imagine a messy situation if different members of the family disagree on what needs to be done. Having it written down in a legal document will hopefully avoid that mess.
So, all this paperwork is important stuff. The lawyer and I have done some work together to iron out what needs to go into the documents. A few days ago, he sent me the drafts, and it’s almost 150 pages of legal language… I’m generally a slow reader, and I don’t imagine I’ll be faster when what I’m reading is legal documents.
This has been and will continue to be a major pain in the ass, especially during these times when I need to focus on positive things and have a good quality of life. In general, preparing for the worst is a pain in the ass. Nobody wants to do extra work for something that might not happen. But the worst might very well happen to me. Plus, it will benefit my family, I hope.
Just another chapter 