I have read the book 'When breath becomes air', by Paul Kalanithi. It was very inspiring, especially for someone in my situation. But I'm not wondering as much about the book itself right now as about its title. The question on my mind is, if I end up being beaten by this cancer, and if … Continue reading When breath becomes air →

I'm writing this post consisting of a number of anecdotes from my life. None of them is related to my condition, and I'm not quite sure it really belongs to this blog. But I think it provides for a good distraction, at least for me, from this depressing thing that is cancer. Also, most people … Continue reading Late in life →

My disease has progressed quite a bit since 3 months ago. A lot of the circumstances has changed. But what hasn't changed so much is my desire to go out and about while I'm still healthy. Just like what I wrote in Drop everything and travel. One thing that is most likely out of the … Continue reading A small adventure →

Since my first diagnosis, I have received a fair share of bad news from doctors, which, you can imagine, is not fun, especially when we’re talking about cancer. And since the relapse, they have become more frequent and their content - slightly more depressing. But either it was before or after the relapse, I can … Continue reading 50 Shades of Bad News →

What is hope in the face of grave illness? Is it simply trying to prolong life? Say you can minimize all the external risks and be quarantined in a personal space, and you think you might get an extra year. Does that fuel yours or your caretakers' hope? Sure, some scientific breakthrough might come along … Continue reading Hope →

In my previous post, 'Crystal Ball', I mentioned my fight with pneunomia. I think it deserves a little more details, because there was so much drama and anxiety. So let's back up a little. It started late night on Wednesday, January 9th. I was in the living room, chilling by myself (I might have even … Continue reading Turning things around →

If someone with a crystal ball knew when you would die, would you want them to reveal that information to you? The answer for myself had always been yes. Even if it's only a matter of a couple of days, which is scary to think about, I would still want to know. I think knowing … Continue reading Crystal ball →

After every round of chemo, my blood counts drop. If my white cell counts go down, I just have to wait for them to bounce back. If my hematocrit and platelets drop too low, I need transfusion(s). Three interesting things about transfusions. First, my blood type is actually "O to B". This means that I … Continue reading Transfusions →

My latest recap post, 'Recap 3', ended on events around late December. Things have happened since then, so I would like to pick up on those events and fill you in on what followed. Another note: if you haven't done so, please go read my other post 'Rollercoasters'. It should help understand the technical stuff … Continue reading Recap 4: after first failed chemo →

I still remember my Russian teacher saying to our class one day, back when I was in high school in - you guessed it - Russia, 'Prepare for the worst but hope for the best'. I believe this was just before an exam. I think it's a good philosophy to live by in general, although … Continue reading Hope for the best, prepare for the worst →